davors | ambiguous life |

Deplete

2011-11-14T07:47:00.001+08:00

Hey hey...
Where is my positive aura and energy?
Seems to be depleting...

Dirt

2011-11-13T21:43:00.001+08:00

My achievement are an empire of dirt...
No one shall remember...
It is just letting people down and making people hurt...

What had I become?

Deeply...

2011-11-13T20:28:00.001+08:00

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

The Scientist

2011-05-05T21:56:00.001+08:00

I was just guessing At numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Is My Job Done? Over and Out

2011-04-04T23:14:00.004+08:00

I think my job is done here...

It was a fantastic experience...
It was an amazing journey...
It was the greatest task...

Did what I can do...
Contributed what I can serve...
Advised what I can give...
Affecting what I can manipulate...
Psycho what I can play...

For myself...
Extra wages can't really revive the dead commitment...
Maybe it does... But the timing is rather too late...
Overworked, overheated, over-burnt, overhauled, an overachiever...
I am a zombie who doesn't need a heart transplant...

Anyhow...
I tried to stop the vicious cycle... and manipulate for a change...
By the end of the month, I shall know whether it works out or not...
The buck passed till me...
I hope it ended with me...

Jobs done... I am hanging tough... but I need a break... over and out...

Where to Work

2011-04-03T00:03:00.001+08:00

Hmmmmm...

Work in office? Work in factory? Work on field? Work at home?

Wed or Not

2011-03-02T13:07:00.001+08:00

Receiving a lot wedding shooting invitation...

Let me think think....

Old Insomnia

2011-02-07T00:23:00.004+08:00

Suddenly insomnia...

Jumped up and listen to some old songs...
張雨生, 齊秦, 張洪量, 張惠妹, 趙傳, 童安格, 迪克牛仔, 王靖雯, 陳奕迅...

Wow! I am going to be an old fart real soon...

No Designorhea

2011-02-05T22:27:00.001+08:00

Sometimes things get surprised...

Amazed with what seems impossible achieved...
Amazed with what had been gone through...
Amazed with what keep on losing...

It was a tough one to handle...
And I am glad it is done... and it is done pretty well...

“A good scientist is a person with original ideas. A good engineer is a person who makes a design that works with as few original ideas as possible. There are no prima donnas in engineering.”
by Freeman Dyson

No Role

2011-02-04T23:49:00.000+08:00

Thinking about my role...
Should I stay in my comfort zone,
should I support my dad's factory to resolve the chaotic mess,
or should I walk away afar being indifferent...

We can't change the past
but we can work out the present by manufacturing the future...
or we can ruin the present by worrying about the future...

Time is running out...
Hmmm...

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
by Friedrich Nietzsche

CNY 2011

2011-02-03T13:50:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year 2011...

Busy...
Eat, sleep, drink, eat more, sleep more, drink more...

Alternative?

2011-01-23T20:02:00.005+08:00

Considering my alternative options...

The next call is about raise or fold...

When it is about one's career: always be prepared, no short cuts - hard work is the only alternative that really works for success.

Hope the re-scheduling work out.

Long Time No Sick

2011-01-19T22:25:00.001+08:00

Long time no sick...

Duh...

Chance IV

2011-01-13T19:19:00.000+08:00

Hello "Dys"~

Look Forward

2011-01-07T20:56:00.002+08:00

Look forward...

Into afar...
Into the unknown...

“I want to learn more and more to see as beautiful what is necessary in things; then I shall be one of those who make things beautiful”
by Friedrich Nietzsche

About What

2011-01-05T21:21:00.003+08:00

It is about in and out,
It is about hold and leave,
It is about win and lose,
It is about stop and go,
It is about take and give...

Sometimes it's about bullshit like this post...

Silent Roar: Inside Angkor

2011-01-04T22:29:00.006+08:00

Hanging around Angkor Wat, a place to discover.

A casual stroll to discover the culture, the history, the life, the struggle...

and oneself...

Wed Photog Job Reconsider

2011-01-03T16:10:00.004+08:00

Attended a few wedding events lately, without myself involving as a photographer...

Occasionally I will take a couple of shots...
They might sufficient to impress the others...
But not myself...
As long as I am not touched, feeling mediocre & no new concept, I will still fend off myself from getting involved as a main photographer... paid or not...

New Year Rant

2011-01-02T18:45:00.005+08:00

New year, old age
Young soul, exhausted body
Energetic ideas, classic innovation
Expired dreams, fresh rant

I am getting old too...

Oscar Wilde mentioned that our soul is born old but grows young, that is the comedy of life. And the body is born young and grows old, that is life's tragedy.

Years flown by... life fade away... fast...

New Year 2011

2011-01-01T08:24:00.001+08:00

Here it comes...
Year 2011...

Let's enjoy it...

"Blessed are those who can give without remembering and
take without forgetting."
Elizabeth Bibesco

Bye Bye 2010

2010-12-31T23:42:00.001+08:00

A dead cat a day keeps the ~~doctor~~ passion away...

From a raging workaholic...
Until a working rageholic...
Sigh*...

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely...”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Bye bye 2010...

Silent Roar: Different Border

2010-12-28T21:16:00.001+08:00

Lost... not lose...

Leaving is not an end...
It is making a new start...

In different point of view, in different depth of field, in different way of life...
We see things differently...

When words that uttered are indifferent to who that listen, there shall be no explanation needed anymore...

"Seeing is limited by two borders: strong light, which blinds, and total darkness. Darkness attracted as much as light The darkness was pure, perfect, thoughtless, vision-less; That darkness was without end, without borders; That darkness was the infinite we each carry within us."

by Milan Kundera

Silent Roar: Looking For

2010-12-26T14:21:00.000+08:00

Imagination... is like wings to flourish photography...
When there is no imagination, photography is a dead star...
Just before that moment, it is time for travel and discovery...
Into a place as another making of an eternal illusion...

Image taken breaks the impermanent law...
A fraction of a second are made into a painting...

Silent Roar: Waiting for Nothing Hope for Something

2010-12-19T23:35:00.000+08:00

Life is a string of chances...

You may hold it or let it go...
You may dream it or destroy it...
You may be prepared or wait for your turn...

"Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait. The truth is, there are only two things in life, reasons and results, and reasons simply don't count."

by Robert Anthony

Silent Roar: Inter Views Inner

2010-12-19T22:28:00.000+08:00

Inter-view is something I always utilize it...
A little bit like in a position of a hunter... but more of a planter...

It is always something more than understanding, exchanging views, career-life-learning-experience, sharing thoughts and a review on what you did & what you wanted to do...

Trying to inspire from others' view on myself...

"From a certain point of view our real enemy, the true troublemaker, is inside."
by Tenzin Gyatso

Listening to Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien

2010-12-14T21:37:00.000+08:00

In fact, it is true that no one can get really drunk or possessed on a novel or a quote or a painting or a photograph... No matter how magnificent it is... it has its limit...

But who can help getting drunk on the rhythm that resonates soul, and liberate one from loneliness, introversion...

Let's get drunk into this ambiguous rhythm...

Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien
by Edith Piaf

Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait
Ni le mal; tout ça m'est bien égal !

Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
C'est payé, balayé, oublié
Je me fous du passé !

Avec mes souvenirs
J'ai allumé le feu
Mes chagrins, mes plaisirs
Je n'ai plus besoin d'eux !

Balayées les amours
Et tous leurs trémolos
Balayés pour toujours
Je repars à zéro

Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait
Ni le mal; tout ça m'est bien égal !

Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Car ma vie, car mes joies
Aujourd'hui, ça commence avec toi

From: http://lyricstranslate.com

Chance III

2010-12-13T18:35:00.000+08:00

Hello "Lei"~

Highly unlikely...
But just gonna say "hi"...

Silent Roar: Over

2010-12-12T12:51:00.003+08:00

Back from Siem Reap, Cambodia, almost a month ago.
Still some photos need to be processed... -_-|||
Piling up...
Already make and order a customized album though.
Hope can receive it soon...

Typical Angkor Wat sunrise...

Ideas...

2010-12-11T09:56:00.003+08:00

“When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago”
Friedrich Nietzsche

Once a While

2010-12-01T22:31:00.002+08:00

Once a while, we get tired...

Then, you walk slower in the crowd...
Slack on bed for extra hours regardless the alarm had been ringing...
You wait for the memory of dreams to return and to get intense...
Then, you talk less and you think further and deeper...
You neither read Friedrich Nietzsche nor Milan Kundera nor any other Deutsche's articles...
Even the quotes are amazing...
Then, you discover your blog post reduce...
Even for those copy paste crappy sucker phrases ain't going anywhere...
You don't know how to stop and where to start...

Once a while our balance off centered...
Then we need to learn to live all over again...
Maybe a dramatic life like a cat...

Done for Today

2010-09-14T18:11:00.002+08:00

Headache...

I'm done... for today... for the night...

Too much shit that I should care less...

May Your Dreams Defy the Laws of Gravity

2010-09-12T22:34:00.002+08:00

Can you still fly in your dreams?
When we take everything for granted...
and dismiss everything out of imagination...
When we take everything too serious...
and conceive everything in responsible...

Until we realized that in dream, there is no one to judge...
Until we realized that when we wanted to reach higher, we need to get up step by step...

"May your dreams defy the laws of gravity."
by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Leave a Mark

2010-09-08T00:10:00.002+08:00

Explore. Dream. Discover.

Let life be in a mess and keep on dreaming...
Let truth burn with craziness and keep the passion...
Let hope be vanish and not be abandoned...

Don't just leave it behind...
Leave a mark... as life does...
Leave a note... as dream does...

"Dream as if you'll live forever... live as if you'll die today..."
by James Dean

Chances II

2010-09-07T15:21:00.000+08:00

Hello "Phil"~

Not So Instant

2010-09-05T16:25:00.006+08:00

What's up on Sunday?

Hmmmm...
Nothing much...

Busy browsing for some polaroid gadgets...
Shortlisted Polaroid SX-70, LC A+ Instant Back, Fujifilm Instax Mini 7s.

Meanwhile... just play with some free beta software from poladroid...

It is fun that even it is instant, you need to wait for it to develop for a few minutes...
Quite cool...

Missing Something?

2010-09-04T16:11:00.002+08:00

What's up on Saturday?
Hmmmm...

Work on solutions~
Listen to George Carlin~
Read Oscar Wilde~
Browse for Ferragamo~
Kill the time~

Am I missing something?

No Stand

2010-09-03T23:55:00.001+08:00

Feeling a piece of myself missing...

Don't really like that feeling, but somehow I do not stand a chance, or I do not have the stand to keep it off...
Trying to shake it off my mind...

Maybe just read something...

"The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become. Conversely, the absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant.
What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness?"

Noise has one advantage, it drowns out words...
Silence has one disadvantage, it amplifies melancholy...

Bought A Book

2010-08-31T23:17:00.007+08:00

Wandering around...
Trying to get a book to kill time whenever I am free...

Browse through one from Oscar Wilde...

The preface written:
"The artist is the creator of beautiful things. To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's aim."
After reading the first 2 sentences, I just bought it...

I was actually looking for anything written by Friedrich Nietzsche...
But it seems to be difficult to find...
Some other time maybe...

Spotted

2010-08-20T18:13:00.003+08:00

Life is probably about a strings of illusion...

When you are not preparing to take any action, chance given which require a choice to be made...
When you are not preparing to make a choice, you're spotted which require a decision...
When you are not preparing to call a decision, things happen which options evolved...

"One must, in one's life, make a choice between boredom and suffering."
by Madame de Stael

How about one that suffering boredom?
Every man dies, but not every man really lives...

Out of Control III

2010-08-19T23:35:00.000+08:00

I need a sorcerer to get rid of the poison in my mind...
Maybe by clotting my adrenaline pump...
Or slow down the orchestra playing in bosom...

Out of Control II

2010-08-08T20:39:00.000+08:00

I need a temporary trans-orbital lobotomy procedure...
To stop thinking not to think...

Another Twisted Night

2010-08-06T23:58:00.001+08:00

Age overtakes us all...
getting old... day by day... physically...
getting busy... day by day... at workplace...
getting tired... day by day... in any kind...
and with a young passion... long frozen and stuck... awaiting for breakaway...

One will be surprised how years gone by so fast... and missing so much...

Half Done

2010-08-02T23:49:00.000+08:00

Half way done and everything seems to be okay...
A good start, though tough and hectic, shall makes an easier route to the end...
Which is something I believe in...
Loaded the front and enjoy the ride...

Hopefully it pays off...

Out of Control

2010-07-25T14:28:00.001+08:00

In our passion to manipulate
things might have gone out of control
things got interrupted sometimes
things got complicated

running out of time...
running out of fate...
running out of mind...

I like to see it out of control...
It keeps my adrenaline pumping...
Which reminds me that I am not a zombie...

Ain't Workaholic II

2010-07-24T23:20:00.000+08:00

I ain't a workaholic...

I don't really love my job, but love more on the responsibility I bear...
though responsibility always drags me until midnight in office...
I don't really love my job, but love more on the chances given and provided...
especially when chances urge me to give more than take...
I don't really love my job, but love more on my effort to make others work better...
as the effort pushes me to give my limit...

I ain't a workaholic... I think...
I don't hate being one anyway...

What Left

2010-07-24T14:45:00.008+08:00

Lost...

What underestimated outrun...
What overestimated give out...
What left is what I need to comply...

A resting silent day may be a tiring day...

"A day spent without the sight or sound of beauty, the contemplation of mystery, or the search of truth or perfection is a poverty-stricken day; and a succession of such days is fatal to human life."

by Lewis Mumford

Zombie Mode

2010-07-24T08:17:00.001+08:00

Woke up with an exhausted mind...
The dim morning light at 7:30a.m. shocked me wide-awake...
Thought it was weekdays... Though it is Saturday...
Worse still, the package come with an ache on my left temple...
Sort of nagging tingling sensation...

90hours work, 20hours slept, and 10hours doing whatever in 5 days...
Thought such crooked lifestyle may get a break and a good rest on weekend...
Didn't work out...

Feels like zombie...

Redundant Me

2010-07-20T13:19:00.002+08:00

Sudden feeling of self-redundancy at the workplace...

No Reveal

2010-07-19T17:51:00.001+08:00

Had an interview session with boss...

Nothing hide... nothing revealed...

Nothing much to say in disguise...

Footprints

2010-07-18T12:04:00.004+08:00

Where's mine?
How does it looks like?

Thin air... chill wind... clear mind... free of confusion...

Abyss

2010-07-17T23:08:00.000+08:00

Abyss...

It might be a new word for myself...
I might not be a new thing in my life...
As we look into it... there is no answer...

Sit back and enjoy...

No Breeze Rest

2010-07-16T23:12:00.003+08:00

I doubt I am in workaholic mode or what...

Can't really concentrate on my rest day...
More tiring psychologically... -_-|||

Chances

2010-07-15T18:37:00.002+08:00

Impressive...
Chances come when you least expected...
I turned it down again...
Guess no one want an expensive labor over the Island?

From "Tosh" to "Flex"...

Hahaha...

Gonna enjoy the ride... hopefully...

Funny Uncertainties

2010-07-13T23:49:00.001+08:00

Busy, might be a good thing when you enjoy it...
When it squeezes all of your personal time away...
And makes all the remains to be so dense and genuine...

Sometimes it makes me wonder...
What keeps me here?
Responsibility or relationship...
What drives me away?
Satisfaction or sorry...

Life is fun with uncertainties...
Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life...

Time change
Task change
Life change
Feeling change
Mistake change
Passion change

Everything is under control, except myself...
Heading to the uncertainties... endure and enjoy them all...

Thinking of Making a HD Clip

2010-07-11T13:01:00.004+08:00

Thinking of composing a HD short clip music video...

Hmmm...

Off Balance Round-about

2010-07-10T23:40:00.001+08:00

Perhaps I had over-exploit myself far too long for the pass few weeks...

I am getting numbed...
Losing my senses, feeling, passion, zeal, spirit...
Losing my pride, arrogance, determination, true laughter, caustic remarks...

But, I enjoy getting exploited... I enjoy getting numbed...
As everything significant to be considered become trivial...
As the moment of losing control, amazed me...

Enjoy driving alone late at night, when everything become silence...
With only the melody of mute and loneliness...
With only the orchestra from the wind and nature...
Tired brain turns speedy, out of order, and radiates...
I had a sudden genuine smirk on my face...

As I know, when, losing is earning...

For now, I do not favor weekends...

This Bitter Earth

2010-07-05T12:56:00.000+08:00

"This bitter earth
Well, what fruit it bears
What good is love
That no one shares
And if my life is like the dust
That hides the glow of of a rose
What good am I
Heaven only knows

This bitter earth
Yes, can be so cold
Today you're young
Too soon, you're old

But while a voice within me cries
I'm sure someone may answer my call
And this bitter earth
May not be so bitter after all"

Shitty Post

2010-07-05T01:48:00.000+08:00

Hell yeah I am under pressure...
Everything scrambling inside my head...
Hell yeah I am having insomnia...
Everything screwing up inside my brain...
Hell yeah I am going looney...
Everything botching up inside my mind...

Listing down the job details in the middle of the night...
Sounds perfectly crazy...
I can't even finish listing them down on paper!
It seems to be impossible to complete all of them in time...

Everything seems to be falling apart... or just myself?

I did not expect things to be so tough when I decided to stay for a while longer...
I am going to screw up my own job... screw up my own life...
I am going to screw up my senses... screw up my affections...
I am going to screw up my own health... screw up myself... thoroughgoing...
In a way, just, to prevent the youngsters from messing up on themselves...

Why am I doing this?
I don't even have time to capture what I missed...
I don't even have time to measure whether are these worthwhile?

Why am I doing this?
Either I am being aggressively depressive... or passively self-suppressive...
Either one, I need a room reservation in the lunatic asylum, soon...

This is a shitty post...
Why am I doing this?

Off Balance

2010-07-03T00:53:00.002+08:00

Things getting off balance.

Numb...
Awake for the past 18hours

Eyes are aching from staring at the computer screen for too long
Bags under the eyes starting to weigh down
Vision blurred

Brain are choking after squeezing for countermeasures on too many scenarios
Overloaded capacity starting to shows dysfunction
Ideas clogged

Determination is fading away after long holding on without motivation
No one to be blamed for dragging all in the mess beside oneself
Passion drown

A glance at the time stated close to 1:00a.m.
Brain being exhausted but mind running in excitement...
Considering stretching the day for more time... compressing the brain for more ideas... pushing determination beyond limits...
Need more time, more brain energy and more perseverance...
5th of a cup of coffee of the day right now will not help...

RIP

2010-06-27T13:23:00.003+08:00

Rest in peace...

You have been a great companion...

Ain't Workaholic

2010-06-22T22:13:00.002+08:00

I ain't a workaholic... Although I love my job...
I ain't a workaholic... Too much work, too limited time...
I ain't a workaholic... But I am still in the office...

I ain't a workaholic... really...

Mis-

2010-06-19T23:33:00.002+08:00

If not, a pack of cigarettes, or maybe just a cup of coffee...

Mis-communication or mis-understanding...
Those are just matter of time...

Am I mis-leading my way of life?

Look Back

2010-06-17T23:40:00.006+08:00

Look back~
It can be fun~ and it can be shit~

It will be recorded no matter what...

Be nice...

Contradiction? Nay!

2010-06-14T23:05:00.001+08:00

I like my job.
But I intend to change it.

Hidden Tone

2010-06-13T23:01:00.001+08:00

I'm growing away from myself...
Every morning I find myself back on the wrong way...

When you lost your way, you need a direction...
But for me there is no one and nothing to ask...
I know I can't go that way... and let go...

I see the demons and the gloomy thoughts
that would flames on my passion...

If I were me,
The best and the worst I can do,
would not frighten me...
If I were me,
the best and the worst I can do
would make me happy...

Left Alone

2010-06-13T16:58:00.004+08:00

Being alone.
Not like to be alone.
Like to be left alone.

Any difference?

Of course...

Fast 35mm

2010-06-12T21:27:00.003+08:00

Three weeks to go for my birthday~

Maybe get myself a present? Another red ring? Or simply a fast 35mm?
Hmmm...

Not the Magnitude

2010-06-12T19:45:00.004+08:00

Sometimes we got lost in searching for destination.
Some will just ask for the direction.
Some will be to stubborn to ask and continue to search.

I am the latter one, who always learn the hard way.

在這時時刻刻分秒必爭, 築夢與追夢的壓縮空間...
累壞了偷點閒, 也彷彿是種奢侈...

We always hear encouraging quotes that urge to chase in the direction of dreams, live the life that have imagined.
And the harder we work, the thinner becomes the idealized dream, the darker the mind.

到底...
要仰望天空... 還是腳踏實地...

Fine Dine

2010-06-11T23:03:00.008+08:00

Another tiring week.
I can't recall what really makes me so tire.

Satisfaction and motivation unloaded.
Commitment and responsibility somehow bonded.

Gratified enough, at least to have some committed junior designers~

Office getting empty.
It was not that late.
But it is end of working week.
I was chased out from the office.
Probably no one desire for overtime.

Went straight back home.
Heat up the remaining food in microwave.
Dine alone...
Empty minded...

一個人的晚餐
倒胃獨享寧靜

Another typical day...

Wandering at BT

2010-06-06T22:12:00.005+08:00

Stroll around~
Get some shots...

First Try on Car Photography

2010-06-04T07:32:00.008+08:00

Not really favor in still photography and I believe I will probably never going to be too involved in-depth. I am not good in that and always lack of patience.

Anyhow, a colleague of mine who is a car craze asked me for a shooting on his car.

So I just give it a try~

Haha~
I am really not so good in these...

But I really love playing with off-shoe flash now...

Hang Around Sultan Garden JB

2010-05-30T19:56:00.007+08:00

It was a 3 days rest.

Wandering around Sultan Garden at JB.
Scout for nice spots.

But the storm causes the walk around and scouting became a short one...
Maybe another time...

Coffee Night

2010-05-22T19:01:00.006+08:00

Sit there and do nothing.

Searching for something to look at...
Searching for something to listen to...
Searching for something to think about...

A typical boring-empty-minded weekend...
Sucks...

Wed: Shiun & CF

2010-05-21T23:28:00.001+08:00

Was at my couz wedding dinner.
Just happened to found out that there is no official photographer working around.

Instead of slacking my back on the dinning table, I just help out a few shots.

Hmmm...
Post processing now...
Just give a few...

Insanity II

2010-05-20T07:56:00.002+08:00

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Albert Einstein

Insanity

2010-05-17T07:52:00.001+08:00

It was a raining night last night...
Ferocious lightning, strong breezy wind, chilling rainfall...
The combination was, however, like an quiet orchestra...

It was unreal darkness...
Playing to the dreamy and tormenting "On the Nature of Daylight" by Max Richter...
The combination that match every rhythem with solitude and distress...

Shock with hollow horror...
Which makes things puzzled, confused, and in doubt on every single details...
The unusual fusion, breaking up the sanity pattern...

Just a split of a second...
I feel fine to be insane...

Drowning Weekend

2010-05-15T02:25:00.000+08:00

A nothing much weekend.
Though, I drown myself in Max Richter's music...

The music that evokes lost memories or feelings, complex combination of bittersweet expression that holds between a dreamy unreal sense of amazement and distressing melancholia... Full of wretch, distress, torment and misery...

The art of music and photography bond together when it is to capture the beauty, ugly and the story...

Broke

2010-05-13T07:53:00.001+08:00

Broke...
and still...
in debt...

Look Back

2010-05-11T22:43:00.003+08:00

Hmmm...
Everything seems to be getting on track... I hope...
When others don't really give a damn, why should I? I guess...
It shall be fine whatsoever...

Too little to contribute...
Too little to satisfy...
Too little to gain...

Let's try something else...

"Never look back unless you are planning to go that way..."

Normality

2010-05-10T07:23:00.000+08:00

Beach~
Waves~
Ocean~

Some said:
"Eternity begins and ends with the ocean's tides..."

"We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem.”
- Douglas Adams

Track

2010-05-06T23:08:00.000+08:00

Feeling more like a trainer at workplace...

Waiting subordinates to submit their tasks...
Check for design problems, mistakes, improvements...
Giving comments, ideas, advices...

Perhaps I can kick my commitment away after they are on track...

Depressed or Crap

2010-05-05T21:50:00.004+08:00

Am I depressed?
I wonder...

A glance on the check-list...

Common signs and symptoms of depression

* Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
Not quite, yet.

* Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
Checked, pretty much.

* Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
Checked.

* Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).
Checked, very much.

* Irritability or restlessness. Feeling agitated, restless, or on edge. Your tolerance level is low; everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
Checked.

* Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
Checked.

* Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
Checked.

* Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
Not quite, yet.

* Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.
Checked.

Hmmm... Looks like I am almost there...

Die Young

2010-04-28T23:09:00.002+08:00

It was 11 something and I started to wonder why I am still in the office

I could be at home sleeping, running my dream adventure, or laying on bed reading another Milan Kundera's articles.
I could be surfing on the internet for gadgets info, or planning for the next backpack traveling itinerary
I could be hanging outside boasting and crap with friends, or enjoying the blending of live music and coffee liquor
I could be painting in the streets using my dslr, or typing mysterious thoughts in my evil brain.
I could be just sit back and do everything but nothing…

Still
I am in the office squeezing my brain for ideas with concentration glued to the monitor screen
With a digestive system which is either immune to hunger or being inept to react
Feeling empty and light at the back of my brain, feeling heavy on the back of my shoulder
Problems are not out of control but it seems to be out of frame and out of time

I close my eyes, hold my forehead, take a deep breath…

It was almost midnight and I am still in the office
Ignoring my time, my dream, my passion, my health, my family, my relationship, my chance, my satisfaction, my readings, my plan, my future, my life, my friendship, my writtings, my image, my exploration, my adventure, and my confession...
Perfect remedies for dying young

Then I realized… commitment is something that can bring you up, then trap you, and fail you miserably…

Does It Get Easier

2010-04-27T21:44:00.005+08:00

Getting busy... getting tired... getting confused...

Does it get easier
The more you know who you are, the more you learn not to let things upset you...

But things never get easier
What we want always change

Someone told me I should just walk away...
Commitment is something choking when passion isn't there...

You wear a mask for so long you forget who you were beneath it

Cute Nephew

2010-04-24T20:39:00.000+08:00

My very cute nephew~
I was testing on the ring flash converter borrowed from colleague...

Turned out not bad~

Though I still think the ring diameter is a little too small... so as the effect...

Status P II

2010-04-20T10:26:00.000+08:00

Status:
Passion is dead.
Commitment hanging in the balance.

Spending Pattern

2010-04-17T23:29:00.000+08:00

April~ It is a busy month...
Working under the heavy job load, and working on searching new jobs...
Though, I am pretty much engaged with the former right now as things getting tough...

Somehow, the busier I am, the higher spending pattern I will have...
Those gadgets started to rush into my brain, again... and...
I would reconsider whether I need them or not...

A new desktop~
Current laptop are dying, occasional hard-disk failure... though still functional most of the time... the problem is when it shall break down eternally...

A new hand-phone~
Current 4-5yo hand-phone having some problems with the keypad and some crack+scratch on the display panel... though able to dial & sms in and out...

A new lens~
This is pure for the sake of having a tighter depth of field lens at f1.4... though I still have other lenses to cover...

I am thinking whether I should take on some wedding or portrait jobs to cover up this loopholes on my wallet...

A cross-processed shot quite some time ago...

Hmmm...

Tired Crap II

2010-04-15T15:25:00.002+08:00

Thursday...
Unknown stress...
Uncertainties...
Feel like crap...

Status P

2010-04-14T13:05:00.000+08:00

Status:
Promoted.
Increment.

Though, I am not in gay mood.

I wonder why.

Tired Crap

2010-04-13T23:53:00.001+08:00

So close… yet so far…
Either wait for the e.s.p., or the history shall replay itself...

Tired day...
As usual… the norm... the repeated... and not again...
Dump the effort... and re-check the effect...

Tired way...
As expected... the delay... the excuse... being unfortunate...
Foolishly take the game, play afool...

Tired say...
As always... the finish... the inevitable… never end..
Craps make no decision without a doubt...

Sorry this is a crap posting...

Learn About

2010-04-07T07:18:00.004+08:00

Between times
We learn about life
How simple it is… never bitter ends question…

When we are busy at work
When we are busy on ourself
When we are busy in compete
We being ignorant… while others join...

Between times
We learn about death
How fragile it is… How mortal we are…

Then we are busy at work
Then we are busy on ourself
Then we are busy in compete
We ignore… while cheating death...

Between times
We learn about living
How volatile it is… and thus we make it simple…

Again we are busy at work
Again we are busy on ourself
Again we are busy in compete
Until we die… while the others continue...

My Call

2010-03-28T22:47:00.001+08:00

The ball is on me.
Let's wait for the call and make the deal.

I shall take my chance and make my kick.

If they do not want to catch it,
it's my call, and we shall move on.

Let's wait for the full moon...

Status UC 2

2010-03-26T23:45:00.000+08:00

Status:
Under Consideration

Got a new offer.
Yet to accept.

Another Day

2010-03-24T07:41:00.000+08:00

Another day…
After another 15 hours in office…
You widen your pupil for clear vision…
You cracked your brain for ideas…
You depleted your time and drained your spirit…
You found load of forecast problems
You found the ravel out solutions
You found the replicated echo

Then
You realized you cannot foresee your own future…
You discovered you are mazed and in puzzle…
You give up and let go the achievements…

Another day…
I know that manipulation won't make a difference…
I know that manifestation won't being give a damn…
I know that manifolded dejection manifolds

Then
We need to have our options…

Nightmare

2010-03-23T07:48:00.001+08:00

Nightmare…

When your body is exhausted but your mind is flying
When you wake up after 5 hours, but feeling passing only 5 seconds...
When you work in office for 15 hours and dream of being in office for the next 8 hours

When you are so tired that you forgot what you had did the whole day…
When you wake up… and found yourself in the office, again…
When you finished your 5 hours sleep doing 8 hours job in dream…

Nightmare…
Not again…

Masquerading Mind

2010-03-09T15:20:00.001+08:00

It seems to be less time for everything...
Or probably getting worse in personal time management...

Gonna set my steps and reconsider the route...
Gonna reset my direction and reconsider the destination...

Better or worse...
Let's enjoy the chaos feeling masquerade for a moment...

Running Out of Choices

2010-02-24T22:28:00.000+08:00

Running away...
You may define it as a choice, or a result...
You may define it as an escape, or a release...
You may define it as pre-caution, or a pre-notice...
You may define it as an act of coward, or a courage decision...

We all hold some choices...

Running away...
You might had regarded it as a gain and no loss...

Any ideas?

Status UC

2010-02-23T22:23:00.000+08:00

Status:
Under Consideration

Late Fizz

2010-02-21T02:30:00.000+08:00

Head aching, stomach having strange signal, back ache, shoulder strain, dry eyes, tire brain...
Yet, I am not sleepy...
I think the caffeine from the coffee late afternoon still in full swing in my system...
Damn it...

Blurbarian

2010-02-19T23:50:00.003+08:00

I am now a Blurbarian...

Just found an interesting website called blurb where you can create your personally custom designed bookstore-quality book, with extra capabilities to publish, share, promote, & sell.

Who's going to buy your book?
How would I know?
Just love the concept and platform.